i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
