she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
