Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
