i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
