she smelled like a LAN party
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
