Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
