dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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