just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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