thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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