to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize