great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
