in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
