I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
