I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
