i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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