I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
