....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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