I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Drunk is not a location!
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
