Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
