i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
