We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
