Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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