In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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