I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
ttyl tear gas
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
