She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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