we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
handjob tips. give me some.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
oh god was she eating orange peels again
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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