i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
