I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
