The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
