i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize