I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
