Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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