Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
