Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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