Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
