did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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