You can't motorboat a personality
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
