I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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