fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
