Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
