What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
