I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
