I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
