Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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