who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Come share oat with me in your robe
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
