I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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