just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize