Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
