So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
