what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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