I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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