I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
