no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
