Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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