i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
