We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
i need some magic done to my vagina
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
