At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
