happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
