U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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