Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
