'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
