hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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