is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
