Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
