I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
