Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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