I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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