Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
