WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
