At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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