And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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