If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
