Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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