im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She needs sedatives and a leash
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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