I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
