Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
