Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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