So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
