Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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