Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
