he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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