I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize