It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
